The working mother

So last night I posted a video on Instagram regarding the fact that I have to justify my absence from work as my son was sick. I didn't want it to seem as if I was blaming my husband. The blame for the unequal care-sharing in couples doesn't come from the father it comes from the system. A system that doesn't work for working mothers (or main carers) or working fathers. For the last 10 years since we've had kids my husband and I have faced crisis after crisis of ill children and the problematic of work (having no family close by to help out). And despite my cries (and often actual tears) about how disastrous it would be for me not to go to work, being a university professor with over 80 students and over 10 different classes a week, taking just one day off was a logistical, stressful disaster. Despite my situation the answer would always be the same my husband working in Industrial sales would say... "I can't take the day off, work wouldn't understand, It would be looked upon negatively, It would be badly seen". This is not equality as much as I was forced to take a day off, he was forced not to. Despite his willing, society doesn't see him as the carer of kids, he must work and I must stay at home.

It seems like societies' excuse - well you wanted to work women, so now you're equal. But life is a bit more complicated than that. Women are supposed to perform as well as men (because we said we could) but we are still viewed as the sole care giver. This results in enormous amounts of pressure, stress, fatigue and guilt, as yes we can perform as well as or outperform men but we also need support. Yes we have wombs, but does make us less capable, worthwhile employees? NO! Intelligent, creative, interesting, strong and important members of the workforce are getting burnt because the system fails to support them, or to allow fathers to share the caring of children.

It fails to appreciate the value us mothers can give.

For me this is what happened after ten years of building my career it crashed around me - not work I kept up my professional responsibilities, but me physically me I was destroyed I had been balancing all these roles and I had NO time left, I was as the doctor said clinically "in burn out". I was exhausted, depressed and broken. I felt that i'd let down women-kind, that I had let down myself, that I was weak. What I realise now was that no one can do it alone and society didn't protect me or my family by allowing my husband to be the same as me an equal, a true partner and parent along by my side and I know I am not alone in this.

So I quit, it was my only answer rather than not achieve at anything, I would concentrate on my children they didn't decide to be born, they deserved better than being left at 8 in the morning and being picked up at 19h in the evening by a burnt out, frazzled shell of a mother.
I tried to play the system but the system failed me, the system wasn't flexible, so I was forced for my own welfare and that of my kids to remove myself from the workforce... (even though my students loved me, I loved my job, I was valued and needed by my colleagues...I had to walk away).

And now because I know I have something to give, I am returning to work, because I have spent time putting myself back together stronger(I hope!) to continue to fight to be able to work and be a mother.

I want my daughter to have the right to shine and excel in whatever she wants to do, let her talent come first and her gender come second. I want my son to want to, and be able to be an equal parent.
It's not easy but we need to keep talking, supporting each other and valuing each other for our individual merit. #weareoneandoneforall

A post from 18/09/2015

I found this post i'd written from last year, man oh man how things have panned out since :-/

Two connected posts on social media really struck me today.

The fact that Donald Trump is even a candidate for the elections astounds me, but when I saw this post it just made me cringe?? :-(

Donald Trump criticised for not correcting 'Obama is Muslim' man

It really makes me worry when people who have such a large political sphere of influence and they are 'allowing' or not reacting to such small minded, ignorant and intolerant views. I will be watching this election with all my fingers and toes crossed - GO HILLARY!

This story being a parent obviously touched me to. Such a sweet kid, such a disappointing story...

Misinformation breeds ignorance, and ignorance breeds fear.

It's such a shame that someone's enthusiasm to explore and to invent was taken in such the wrong way.

My kids were talking about WW2 the other day, as they wanted to know why their school is called as it is (named after a leader of the French resistance movement). I caught A saying 'Yeah I don't like Italians' to his sister. I was like WHAT? WHY? 'because they helped the Germans in the War' This opened up a great discussion about acceptance and understanding, which led them to talking about the Charlie Hebdo attack, which was discussed at great length in every school in France, which I thought was really positive. We talked about individuals and how a group can't be blamed for their past or for people within their culture.
We talked about making their own opinions, we talked about organised religion and what I don't agree with. I tried not to indoctrinate them in my own beliefs (An atheist) - I am trying to allow them to formulate their own spiritual beliefs.
At the moment A says he believes in God which is fair enough and M always one to sit on the fence says she isn't really sure - which is fair enough to.
Through this discussion I realised the kids don't know any of the stories of the Bible. So I am currently looking for a good children's book on the History of Religion.
I felt very proud at how interested and open they were. We talked about difference and Racism/Homophobia it was really great. Someone once said aren't they a bit young to know about Gay people... Ummm WHY?
M x

The WORD

As a language teacher, words and how we use words is something that I love. The nuances, the turn of phrase - how emotive words can be... and how the phrase "sticks and stones will break my bones, but words will never hurt me" makes no sense to me at ALL!

Having bilingual kids brings a whole new element to language use and misuse - sometimes super cute! "Mummy my hands feel all sparkly" (tingly)
"Oooo yes I love cardigan potatoes" (Jacket).

I suppose this is why I have always been drawn to spoken word, performance poetry, hip hop and song lyrics. I used to work in a pub in Brighton and we used to have an open mic night every month and it was my most fav thing, especially spoken word - when people stand up and lay bear their feelings, bring knowledge to an issue or speak from the heart just blows me away.

I have chosen two poems below as two that really struck me.

This first one resonates personally, sexual assult and rape are so omnipresent in our lives as women, I know within my friends more than a handful who have been attacked, then if I asked their friends it would be another 2/3/4/7/10 and if they asked their friends the numbers would build and build,and as a friend said to me the other day - one is too many...

RAPE JOKE - BRAVE NEW VOICES

Those women kick ass!!!

The other poet I wanted to present is Kate Tempest, I love her (one of my many girl crushes, power women)

Hope you enjoyed! x

Why me? Why now? Why at all...?

Over the years I have had a few blogs, long abandoned or deleted or put away for another day, what started in the early 2000's a blog about my kids and early motherhood became 10 years later a more desperate cry for help when motherhood, life and work became overwhelming and I sank pretty low into depression, it moved to a blog in the following years in which I survived and climbed back to health and a work in progress happiness, I have had many journeys in this life of mine, and perhaps one day I will feel brave enough to share those...But many a blog was just too much of me to give to the world.
So why now? Why in a world with a million blogs, within a world where I am trying to understand this complex relationship we/I have engaged in, trying to talk to, to reach out to complete strangers? Trying to be known or to know others? Is social media helping us? Or is it driving us under? With so much news/fake news/leaked or engineered news, with SO much content flying around it is hard to tell.
Why join in? I don't have a very good answer, other than I just cant keep it all in anymore, so this is written for me as much for anyone who may read it there are certain political and sociological events that have baffled, berated, belittled and befuddled me in the last couple of years. I don't quite know what is happening and I don't quite know how to stop it. In times of need we reach out for people's help and we hope that someone is listening...
I am a person
I am a mother
I am a spouse
I am a charity fundraiser
I am a feminist
I am a runner
I am a trying to be healthy food eater
I am an expat or an immigrant depending on how you see me
I am a teacher (not in some faith sort of way an actual literal teacher)
I am trying to be better...
I have suffered, I have learnt I am still learning.
In this blog my plan is to write about the things that matter to me, being a parent, being a woman, food and trying to help out any which way we can. I am currently fundraising by doing the Brighton Half Marathon see Instagram I am injured at the mo :-(
I am fundraising for The Homeless Period and Mon Cartable Connecté
https://www.lepotcommun.fr/pot/44rc2jp5