An interesting article dealing with the model boys are shown in relation to female consent
http://www.cracked.com/blog/how-men-are-trained-to-think-sexual-assault-no-big-deal/
Thanks to David Wong at Cracked for writing this article.
X
Showing posts with label children. Show all posts
Showing posts with label children. Show all posts
Wednesday, 15 February 2017
Friday, 10 February 2017
The working mother
So last night I posted a video on Instagram regarding the fact that I have to justify my absence from work as my son was sick. I didn't want it to seem as if I was blaming my husband. The blame for the unequal care-sharing in couples doesn't come from the father it comes from the system. A system that doesn't work for working mothers (or main carers) or working fathers. For the last 10 years since we've had kids my husband and I have faced crisis after crisis of ill children and the problematic of work (having no family close by to help out). And despite my cries (and often actual tears) about how disastrous it would be for me not to go to work, being a university professor with over 80 students and over 10 different classes a week, taking just one day off was a logistical, stressful disaster. Despite my situation the answer would always be the same my husband working in Industrial sales would say... "I can't take the day off, work wouldn't understand, It would be looked upon negatively, It would be badly seen". This is not equality as much as I was forced to take a day off, he was forced not to. Despite his willing, society doesn't see him as the carer of kids, he must work and I must stay at home.
It seems like societies' excuse - well you wanted to work women, so now you're equal. But life is a bit more complicated than that. Women are supposed to perform as well as men (because we said we could) but we are still viewed as the sole care giver. This results in enormous amounts of pressure, stress, fatigue and guilt, as yes we can perform as well as or outperform men but we also need support. Yes we have wombs, but does make us less capable, worthwhile employees? NO! Intelligent, creative, interesting, strong and important members of the workforce are getting burnt because the system fails to support them, or to allow fathers to share the caring of children.
It fails to appreciate the value us mothers can give.
For me this is what happened after ten years of building my career it crashed around me - not work I kept up my professional responsibilities, but me physically me I was destroyed I had been balancing all these roles and I had NO time left, I was as the doctor said clinically "in burn out". I was exhausted, depressed and broken. I felt that i'd let down women-kind, that I had let down myself, that I was weak. What I realise now was that no one can do it alone and society didn't protect me or my family by allowing my husband to be the same as me an equal, a true partner and parent along by my side and I know I am not alone in this.
So I quit, it was my only answer rather than not achieve at anything, I would concentrate on my children they didn't decide to be born, they deserved better than being left at 8 in the morning and being picked up at 19h in the evening by a burnt out, frazzled shell of a mother.
I tried to play the system but the system failed me, the system wasn't flexible, so I was forced for my own welfare and that of my kids to remove myself from the workforce... (even though my students loved me, I loved my job, I was valued and needed by my colleagues...I had to walk away).
And now because I know I have something to give, I am returning to work, because I have spent time putting myself back together stronger(I hope!) to continue to fight to be able to work and be a mother.
I want my daughter to have the right to shine and excel in whatever she wants to do, let her talent come first and her gender come second. I want my son to want to, and be able to be an equal parent.
It's not easy but we need to keep talking, supporting each other and valuing each other for our individual merit. #weareoneandoneforall
It seems like societies' excuse - well you wanted to work women, so now you're equal. But life is a bit more complicated than that. Women are supposed to perform as well as men (because we said we could) but we are still viewed as the sole care giver. This results in enormous amounts of pressure, stress, fatigue and guilt, as yes we can perform as well as or outperform men but we also need support. Yes we have wombs, but does make us less capable, worthwhile employees? NO! Intelligent, creative, interesting, strong and important members of the workforce are getting burnt because the system fails to support them, or to allow fathers to share the caring of children.
It fails to appreciate the value us mothers can give.
For me this is what happened after ten years of building my career it crashed around me - not work I kept up my professional responsibilities, but me physically me I was destroyed I had been balancing all these roles and I had NO time left, I was as the doctor said clinically "in burn out". I was exhausted, depressed and broken. I felt that i'd let down women-kind, that I had let down myself, that I was weak. What I realise now was that no one can do it alone and society didn't protect me or my family by allowing my husband to be the same as me an equal, a true partner and parent along by my side and I know I am not alone in this.
So I quit, it was my only answer rather than not achieve at anything, I would concentrate on my children they didn't decide to be born, they deserved better than being left at 8 in the morning and being picked up at 19h in the evening by a burnt out, frazzled shell of a mother.
I tried to play the system but the system failed me, the system wasn't flexible, so I was forced for my own welfare and that of my kids to remove myself from the workforce... (even though my students loved me, I loved my job, I was valued and needed by my colleagues...I had to walk away).
And now because I know I have something to give, I am returning to work, because I have spent time putting myself back together stronger(I hope!) to continue to fight to be able to work and be a mother.
I want my daughter to have the right to shine and excel in whatever she wants to do, let her talent come first and her gender come second. I want my son to want to, and be able to be an equal parent.
It's not easy but we need to keep talking, supporting each other and valuing each other for our individual merit. #weareoneandoneforall
Tuesday, 31 January 2017
A post from 18/09/2015
I found this post i'd written from last year, man oh man how things have panned out since :-/
Two connected posts on social media really struck me today.
The fact that Donald Trump is even a candidate for the elections astounds me, but when I saw this post it just made me cringe?? :-(
Donald Trump criticised for not correcting 'Obama is Muslim' man
It really makes me worry when people who have such a large political sphere of influence and they are 'allowing' or not reacting to such small minded, ignorant and intolerant views. I will be watching this election with all my fingers and toes crossed - GO HILLARY!
This story being a parent obviously touched me to. Such a sweet kid, such a disappointing story...
Misinformation breeds ignorance, and ignorance breeds fear.
It's such a shame that someone's enthusiasm to explore and to invent was taken in such the wrong way.
My kids were talking about WW2 the other day, as they wanted to know why their school is called as it is (named after a leader of the French resistance movement). I caught A saying 'Yeah I don't like Italians' to his sister. I was like WHAT? WHY? 'because they helped the Germans in the War' This opened up a great discussion about acceptance and understanding, which led them to talking about the Charlie Hebdo attack, which was discussed at great length in every school in France, which I thought was really positive. We talked about individuals and how a group can't be blamed for their past or for people within their culture.
We talked about making their own opinions, we talked about organised religion and what I don't agree with. I tried not to indoctrinate them in my own beliefs (An atheist) - I am trying to allow them to formulate their own spiritual beliefs.
At the moment A says he believes in God which is fair enough and M always one to sit on the fence says she isn't really sure - which is fair enough to.
Through this discussion I realised the kids don't know any of the stories of the Bible. So I am currently looking for a good children's book on the History of Religion.
I felt very proud at how interested and open they were. We talked about difference and Racism/Homophobia it was really great. Someone once said aren't they a bit young to know about Gay people... Ummm WHY?
M x
Two connected posts on social media really struck me today.
The fact that Donald Trump is even a candidate for the elections astounds me, but when I saw this post it just made me cringe?? :-(
Donald Trump criticised for not correcting 'Obama is Muslim' man
It really makes me worry when people who have such a large political sphere of influence and they are 'allowing' or not reacting to such small minded, ignorant and intolerant views. I will be watching this election with all my fingers and toes crossed - GO HILLARY!
This story being a parent obviously touched me to. Such a sweet kid, such a disappointing story...
It's such a shame that someone's enthusiasm to explore and to invent was taken in such the wrong way.
My kids were talking about WW2 the other day, as they wanted to know why their school is called as it is (named after a leader of the French resistance movement). I caught A saying 'Yeah I don't like Italians' to his sister. I was like WHAT? WHY? 'because they helped the Germans in the War' This opened up a great discussion about acceptance and understanding, which led them to talking about the Charlie Hebdo attack, which was discussed at great length in every school in France, which I thought was really positive. We talked about individuals and how a group can't be blamed for their past or for people within their culture.
We talked about making their own opinions, we talked about organised religion and what I don't agree with. I tried not to indoctrinate them in my own beliefs (An atheist) - I am trying to allow them to formulate their own spiritual beliefs.
At the moment A says he believes in God which is fair enough and M always one to sit on the fence says she isn't really sure - which is fair enough to.
Through this discussion I realised the kids don't know any of the stories of the Bible. So I am currently looking for a good children's book on the History of Religion.
I felt very proud at how interested and open they were. We talked about difference and Racism/Homophobia it was really great. Someone once said aren't they a bit young to know about Gay people... Ummm WHY?
M x
Friday, 27 January 2017
Man Up!
I saw this video today and thought I would share it with you. Gender stereotyping and stigmatisation works on both sides. As much as I see the ideals and goals and role models for my daughter streamlined for a world of pink and glitter and princesses, I see for my son the ideals, goals and role models suppressed into a fighting, gun touting, emotionless macho.
I feel so blessed to have two kids and a boy and girl, they are such different people, they're their own people, and my relationship with them is so different, they have different needs and different desires and I as a parent need to respond to them differently.
If I had to pigeonhole them as the world tries to make me, I would say 100% that my son is the "weaker" he is the "girl" he is extremely sensitive, he sometimes has a sad thought and will burst into tears, we were listening to the soundtrack to Les Miserables the other day and I was narrating the story and at the end when Jean Valjean dies he cried because he was moved by the music. He lay down on the floor of the cinema last year beating his fists and covering his eyes shouting why did I want to watch this film, both in Star Wars and the Jungle Book when a character dies. My daughter is also sensitive (Poor them... they both inherited that from me...) But she seems to have an inbuilt support system within herself where she can rationalise, she can compartmentalise, she can move through her emotions, he just hits a wall at full speed.
These are just my kids they're individuals, but the fact that already my son is being told by exterior forces that he should 'man up' he shouldn't cry, that he's 8 1/2 that that's not what 'boys' do. That he should like watch, play certain things breaks my heart..!
SO as much as me being a women I am hypersensitive to all the BS my daughter will face, that, I witness and feel and battle against these stigmas my daughter will face day in day out...
My son, i've got your back and you can always cry and have a hug x
I feel so blessed to have two kids and a boy and girl, they are such different people, they're their own people, and my relationship with them is so different, they have different needs and different desires and I as a parent need to respond to them differently.
If I had to pigeonhole them as the world tries to make me, I would say 100% that my son is the "weaker" he is the "girl" he is extremely sensitive, he sometimes has a sad thought and will burst into tears, we were listening to the soundtrack to Les Miserables the other day and I was narrating the story and at the end when Jean Valjean dies he cried because he was moved by the music. He lay down on the floor of the cinema last year beating his fists and covering his eyes shouting why did I want to watch this film, both in Star Wars and the Jungle Book when a character dies. My daughter is also sensitive (Poor them... they both inherited that from me...) But she seems to have an inbuilt support system within herself where she can rationalise, she can compartmentalise, she can move through her emotions, he just hits a wall at full speed.
These are just my kids they're individuals, but the fact that already my son is being told by exterior forces that he should 'man up' he shouldn't cry, that he's 8 1/2 that that's not what 'boys' do. That he should like watch, play certain things breaks my heart..!
SO as much as me being a women I am hypersensitive to all the BS my daughter will face, that, I witness and feel and battle against these stigmas my daughter will face day in day out...
My son, i've got your back and you can always cry and have a hug x
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